Knock, Knock?
by VampX13
Summary: This is a story inspired by "Lemony Snicket's, A Series of Unfortunate Events". Though I assume you'll find the story to just be a bothersome irk in your side. Often most people comment on it's lunacy, and comical sense. What that means? We have no idea.
1. Default Chapter

Introducing We

Dear Strange Acquaintance,

There are many people that consider story telling a complete bore. **We** are not those people. **We** care for mastermind conversations and meaningless dialogue. People may think that confusing, but **We** do not. **We** live in a house like most common people and most infrequent people.

Are you still unsure of whom **We** are? Well then, my friend, you obviously were not paying interest in this note. **We** have clearly stated ourselves as the tellers of this tale (or so it would seem).

Now to explain our yarn to be told; this story is about a girl; who for now shall remained anonymous, until she need have a name; and about a boy; who we'll call Georgee (though he does not like to be called that, **We**'ll do it to spite him); and about a very small house that is rather large. Oh yes, this story is also about the people who inhabit this house. **We** suppose **We** should include them; there is Mr. Mann, Mrs. Mann, Mrs. Seovul, Clarkson, the Maid, the Butler, and all those who occupy a part of the house that is unexplored.

**We** suppose that is all **We** should explain to you and let you find out the rest on your own. **We** know **We** have not explained the story at all but the plot is irrelevant, the characters personalities are trivial, and even most of the setting is just a complete irk. Interesting, is where the dialogue lies. How we love to overhear conversations of such futility.

Now then on with show! For what is a show without scenes? What would be with only my petty note to you? **We** wonder on this.

Conveniently,

The Narrators _or_ The Accommodation


	2. Chapter 2

The Girl

The car stopped just at a path that was long and winding. It was cobblestone and continued over a few green-rolling hills. The Girl's Mother turned around and looked to look at her. "Well, dear, here we are at Aunties. Now then your father will help you with your bags, and you be good for your Aunt. We'll be back Monday to pick you up."

Her Father got out of the car and came around to the door and opened it for her. She stepped out of the car. Her hair was in a very long braid, down the side of her head. The Girl's eyes were wide and an amber color. Like the eye of a cat and like a cat the poor Girl was curious.

Down the hill towards her Aunt's all you could see was a fog. Her Father walked her down the long cobblestone path. They walked and walked. They walked through a swamp, a forest and a dry deserted place, quite like a deserted isle. However deserted isles are always covered with water and strange creatures like Hiders, which haven't been discovered because of their tendency to hide well. It began to rain as they could see the outline of the house.

The house was crooked and sat like a very long rectangle. This was a gauche thing because most houses are meant to be square and small and pleasant. Whereas this house was tall and dark and on the second floor there were no windows visible. The rest of the floors were a mere shadow midst the murkiness.

The Girl's Father and herself approached the house and climbed up the two steps that led onto the front porch. As the Girl began to see the undersized door on the left of the building (instead of the center of the wall where doors ought to be) she began to feel like a giant and almost crushed Wilhelmina's hand. (Wilhelmina is a friend of the Girl who her father now took from her and stuffed inside her suitcase.)

"Now then," began her Father, as he bent down slightly to look at her, "I expect you will be good for your Aunt and since this being your first time meeting her: I think you should know she rather doesn't like dolls. I suggest you keep Wilhelmina close and out of sight, as well."

This advice made the Girl shiver a bit and she felt herself begin to shrink now. As her Father straightened and knocked on the door. The knock seemed to echo all around them and a lot of bats flew past the door. One even landed on the porch and lay there in exhaustion. The bat opened its mouth and spoke loud and clear: "Girl! Get away from here your Aunt is an evil witch who cooks bats eyes and eats them. She owns a vacuum cleaner, which she flies on full moons. In shimmering jars she keeps malicious things. With a tug of her ear she'll turn you into a toad, and your Father into a rat, and keep you both in cage, and all day you will sit and recite poetry."

At least that is what he would've said. If it weren't that the door were opened just as he begun to squeak. There was a little old looking lady standing at the door, who let out a loud cackle of a laugh when she saw the Girl. Her Father pushed her along and somehow she was inside the house with her suitcase before her Father could even tip her hat.

It's funny how that happens. One moment you're in a beautiful green meadow and the next you're in a sordid oily black pond in Timbuktu where birds and the trees laugh at you. It's akin to the whole world going in fast-forward and somehow the pollution in the air affects your head and you can't remember anything of the sort.

"Auntie?" asked the Girl, as she looked up at the cackling lady.

"No, child. You may call me that if you wish, but my name is Lady Seovul. However I am enamored to congregate you."

That is one of the things about Lady Seovul. She's a lovely Lady and very good at making blueberry cookies in the shape of little crows but she is not so good at speaking on the whole. She uses the largest words and some of them are very droll, however some are so big that no one ever understands what she is trying to say. The only one that can understand her would be the Girl's Aunt.

"Your Aunt is not in the domicile at the jiffy, my honey. She is absent to go and get some warmer blankets for you, and several supplementary jars of jam for Clarkson and I," said Lady Seovul with not even a snicker.

Although the Girl found her speaking strange she did not laugh, because it is impolite to laugh at one's manner of anything. Even if the manner is utterly preposterously riotous.

"And who is Clarkson?" asked the Girl.


	3. Chapter 3

**The House Schedule**

6:00am Waking.

This is the time when the house is awakened so that Mrs. Mann may get Lady Seovul to make her and the rest of the house breakfast.

8:00am Breakfast.

They will dine in the magnet room, with wooden instruments. They fear that We will eat the food. Why would We do such a thing? We don't know, perhaps because the Lady makes good cookies and crumbs with orange juice.

8:30am Cleaning the house.

Everyone will grab a broom and sweep their rooms, and then they will sweep the outside of the house. Clarkson always has to do the dishes because it is always a Wednesday. The mops will run out to scare away the bats and the chairs will go to capture the crows.

10:00am Town moment.

Those who need something from town Mr. Mann generally runs to grab things. Mr. Mann is currently on a business trip though. So Mrs. Mann will be doing that task as of late.

11:30amBath point.

This is the time in which the household is meant to immerse. However more often than not the bathroom locks itself and someone will have to try to unlock it with a butter knife while keeping their hands safe. Another bath time will occur.

1:00pm Lunchtime.

Lady Seovul will make crow sandwiches and the household will dine on the top floor. No one knows where the top floor in reality is so habitually this ritual is skipped and skipped and skipped again.

:00tm Rumble in the abode.

The stomach of We will rumble. We will shake. Everyone will please hold their objects and wait for the ride to come to a complete stop.

6:30pm Bath point again.

Now the door will open and everyone will bath in the apparatus We call a ghollophroam. Don't forget to curl your toes. They may get nibbled off, or tickled.

7:45pm Dinner.

At this summit in the twilight, dinner is served in the whoozantiseptic room. This room is pure because We will not be the only ones dining with just the household this dusk.

8:00pm Directly to bed.

Now everyone will be going to bed. If you are not asleep hide from the reflexology man **or** make a clone of you. You'll not effortlessly get out of this regulation.

:01tm New day.

The sun will augment, two days in one. Five moons. Twice the miasma.


End file.
